Two “need” and “want” terms are seemly referred to a lot in the economic realm. In this realm, they are easy to distinguish because of only based on the purchasing motivation of a person to determine. However, these words become more complicated when I consider them in different situations. I must say that it will be perilous if I use these rashly
In the perspective of love, these two words are sensitive above all cases. Specifically, you should be careful whenever you say “I want you” unless you want your girl/boyfriend to misunderstand that you are just taking advantage of her/him for your physiology demand, and you should be serious whenever you say “I need you” if you don’t have the intention to maintain a long-time relationship with her/him.
In my point of view, in love, “want” is more about sex and pleasure, while “need” is more about being ahead of the limitation of sex. Hence, I define true love which stems from the dependency on each other and each side leans on (or needs) each other to maintain and develop the relationship. Reversely, pragmatic love is when each side expects (or wants) each other as a tool to meet, serve, and satisfy the normal demand. Thus, when a person says that “I need you”, which means that he/she respects you and nurtures a sustainable future dream with you. In converse, when a person says that “I want you”, which means that he/she is only exploiting you; once he/she can possess you, he/she does not need to keep you.
You are the only one to someone who feels deprived without you and needs you to fill up that person’s space in the heart. Otherwise, you do not play an important role in someone’s life if that person wants you because other countless people can be willing to satisfy that person’s demand apart from you.
Conclude: In the love aspect, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
In the marriage context, in most of the cases that love gradually turns into overshadowed, responsibility comes to the throne instead; as a result, both sides tie to each other. The evaluation of the two terms “want” and “need” in this family aspect is permuted, which means that “need” is negative, while “want” is positive.
I think that, normally, in the family relationship, the partners often chafe that their wife/husband does not totally understand about their daily works. They slowly birth the negative thoughts of each other and repute their spouse as dependents. They think that their spouse cannot live without them as the penetrability becomes exhausted. Ultimately, they consider themselves the needed persons.
However, the couples may needn’t each other because both of them are adults. In family life, the insiders have to share the sundry duties relating to house works, which arises the dependent psychology. Consequently, the spouse thinks that their life will not be perfect without the other. Albeit, in fact, a wife can live without her husband’s support, and reverse; of course, people undergoing a broken marriage understand this fact most.
For instance, Lisa Arends – an author of Lesson from the End of a Marriage blogs shared that she mistakenly thought that she actually needed the attachment from her husband until she realized she could survive well after saying goodbye to him. Previously, she had never navigated adulthood without him because he could support her in work, maintain and upgrade their home on the cheap by his impressive carpentry, or soothe her when she felt stressed. However, she was wrong. That is a great lesson she could learn from her first marriage.
Sometimes, being needed can feel good because it gives you purpose and duty in the marriage life. It awakes self-confidence and helps reduce the feelings of being alone because if someone needs you, he/she is unlikely to leave you. Nevertheless, if being needed is too much, it makes you feel burdened and seemly stuck in a prison.
As a result, in the marriage context, you may desire to be wanted than to be needed because being wanted makes you still valuable and attractive in the eyes of your partner. “Need” is the basic thing, while “want” is beyond that basis.
Conclude, in the marriage aspect, “I need you” is negative, “I want you” is positive
In friendship, people often use “need” or “don’t need” than “want” or “don’t want” because the “want” term implies a possession that seemly less appears. Unlike in marriage life or work environment, friendship is intrinsically equal. Once the equality is destroyed, that relationship is ruined.
In friendship, when people need someone who also needs them, it symbols a reciprocal relationship. To be more specific, you and your close friend always need mutually when you would like to share something relating to life, work, family, study, etc., and expect support and help from the other. In this case, both of you are beneficial, so both are equal. The more equal reciprocity is maintained, the more the friendship is nurtured and developed.
For instance, you may want a friend to go to the movie with you, but you need that friend to be punctual. So, “want” only describes an offer while “need” plays the coequal standard allowing the relationship to be healthy, trust, and respectful.
In addition, the state of “want” in friendship is easy to lead to exploitation. It means that when someone wants you, they tend to want to take something from you. They are taking advantage of you to benefit themselves.
Conclude: In the friendship aspect, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
You can evaluate whether your seniors are good leaders or not by paying attention to the attitude when they transmit information or a requirement. There is a difference between a boss and a leader. A boss uses power to dominate the workplace and force the subordinates to do regarding his/her requirement. Thus, a boss often uses “I want you” more than “I need you”. Whereas, a leader uses power to help you be better. A leader normally is positive, empowering, inspiring, and acting for the development of all collective. Hence, a leader often says “I need you” more than “I want you”.
For example, a boss will say “I want you to give me a marketing idea within this afternoon”, and a leader will slap your back and say “I need you to propose to me a marketing idea as soon as possible so that we can catch up with the process of project”.
If you work with a boss, you are less respected because you are tied by his/her authority, then you are forced to do according to his/her commands without speaking up. In some cases, you may have a chance to speak up, but your idea will not be easy to accept. It is because your boss had the decision in the head, and listening to your idea just ensures the process is obeyed or hides the monopoly of the boss. Consequently, he/she only wants you to serve his/her decisions.
Reversely, if you work with a leader, you have many opportunities to voice your ideas and those ideas will be respected, absorbed, and considered. The work environment is operated basing on the team mechanism than hierarchy. Therefore, you are needed to contribute to any project of the whole team. The leader is responsible for leading you and the team to the joint objective.
Conclude: In the workplace, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
This blog is my personal view, i hope you read it in an open-hearted state!
Hi Kelly 🙂
You seem to have a lot of guts — I am speechless. Amazing! 😀 But also foolish? 😯
What makes you think you have such a level of sensitivity of these sorts of concepts — are you a native speaker of English? Do you study the English language? Are you an academic? Or do you simply feel confident enough to share your own insights this way?