Two “need” and “want” terms are seemly referred to a lot in the economic realm. In this realm, they are easy to distinguish because of only based on the purchasing motivation of a person to determine. However, these words become more complicated when I consider them in different situations. I must say that it will be perilous if I use these rashly
LOVE
In the perspective of love, these two words are sensitive above all cases. Specifically, you should be careful whenever you say “I want you” unless you want your girl/boyfriend to misunderstand that you are just taking advantage of her/him for your physiology demand, and you should be serious whenever you say “I need you” if you don’t have the intention to maintain a long-time relationship with her/him. In my point of view, in love, “want” is more about sex and pleasure, while “need” is more about being ahead of the limitation of sex. Hence, I define true love which stems from the dependency on each other and each side leans on (or needs) each other to maintain and develop the relationship. Reversely, pragmatic love is when each side expects (or wants) each other as a tool to meet, serve, and satisfy the normal demand. Thus, when a person says that “I need you”, which means that he/she respects you and nurtures a sustainable future dream with you. In converse, when a person says that “I want you”, which means that he/she is only exploiting you; once he/she can possess you, he/she does not need to keep you. You are the only one to someone who feels deprived without you and needs you to fill up that person’s space in the heart. Otherwise, you do not play an important role in someone’s life if that person wants you because other countless people can be willing to satisfy that person’s demand apart from you. Conclude: In the love aspect, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
Marriage
In the marriage context, in most of the cases that love gradually turns into overshadowed, responsibility comes to the throne instead; as a result, both sides tie to each other. The evaluation of the two terms “want” and “need” in this family aspect is permuted, which means that “need” is negative, while “want” is positive. I think that, normally, in the family relationship, the partners often chafe that their wife/husband does not totally understand about their daily works. They slowly birth the negative thoughts of each other and repute their spouse as dependents. They think that their spouse cannot live without them as the penetrability becomes exhausted. Ultimately, they consider themselves the needed persons. However, the couples may needn’t each other because both of them are adults. In family life, the insiders have to share the sundry duties relating to house works, which arises the dependent psychology. Consequently, the spouse thinks that their life will not be perfect without the other. Albeit, in fact, a wife can live without her husband’s support, and reverse; of course, people undergoing a broken marriage understand this fact most. For instance, Lisa Arends – an author of Lesson from the End of a Marriage blogs shared that she mistakenly thought that she actually needed the attachment from her husband until she realized she could survive well after saying goodbye to him. Previously, she had never navigated adulthood without him because he could support her in work, maintain and upgrade their home on the cheap by his impressive carpentry, or soothe her when she felt stressed. However, she was wrong. That is a great lesson she could learn from her first marriage. Sometimes, being needed can feel good because it gives you purpose and duty in the marriage life. It awakes self-confidence and helps reduce the feelings of being alone because if someone needs you, he/she is unlikely to leave you. Nevertheless, if being needed is too much, it makes you feel burdened and seemly stuck in a prison. As a result, in the marriage context, you may desire to be wanted than to be needed because being wanted makes you still valuable and attractive in the eyes of your partner. “Need” is the basic thing, while “want” is beyond that basis. Conclude, in the marriage aspect, “I need you” is negative, “I want you” is positive
FRIENDSHIP
In friendship, people often use “need” or “don’t need” than “want” or “don’t want” because the “want” term implies a possession that seemly less appears. Unlike in marriage life or work environment, friendship is intrinsically equal. Once the equality is destroyed, that relationship is ruined. In friendship, when people need someone who also needs them, it symbols a reciprocal relationship. To be more specific, you and your close friend always need mutually when you would like to share something relating to life, work, family, study, etc., and expect support and help from the other. In this case, both of you are beneficial, so both are equal. The more equal reciprocity is maintained, the more the friendship is nurtured and developed. For instance, you may want a friend to go to the movie with you, but you need that friend to be punctual. So, “want” only describes an offer while “need” plays the coequal standard allowing the relationship to be healthy, trust, and respectful. In addition, the state of “want” in friendship is easy to lead to exploitation. It means that when someone wants you, they tend to want to take something from you. They are taking advantage of you to benefit themselves. Conclude: In the friendship aspect, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
WorkING environment
You can evaluate whether your seniors are good leaders or not by paying attention to the attitude when they transmit information or a requirement. There is a difference between a boss and a leader. A boss uses power to dominate the workplace and force the subordinates to do regarding his/her requirement. Thus, a boss often uses “I want you” more than “I need you”. Whereas, a leader uses power to help you be better. A leader normally is positive, empowering, inspiring, and acting for the development of all collective. Hence, a leader often says “I need you” more than “I want you”. For example, a boss will say “I want you to give me a marketing idea within this afternoon”, and a leader will slap your back and say “I need you to propose to me a marketing idea as soon as possible so that we can catch up with the process of project”. If you work with a boss, you are less respected because you are tied by his/her authority, then you are forced to do according to his/her commands without speaking up. In some cases, you may have a chance to speak up, but your idea will not be easy to accept. It is because your boss had the decision in the head, and listening to your idea just ensures the process is obeyed or hides the monopoly of the boss. Consequently, he/she only wants you to serve his/her decisions. Reversely, if you work with a leader, you have many opportunities to voice your ideas and those ideas will be respected, absorbed, and considered. The work environment is operated basing on the team mechanism than hierarchy. Therefore, you are needed to contribute to any project of the whole team. The leader is responsible for leading you and the team to the joint objective. Conclude: In the workplace, “I need you” is positive, “I want you” is negative
This blog is my personal view, i hope you read it in an open-hearted state!
You seem to have a lot of guts — I am speechless. Amazing! 😀 But also foolish? 😯
What makes you think you have such a level of sensitivity of these sorts of concepts — are you a native speaker of English? Do you study the English language? Are you an academic? Or do you simply feel confident enough to share your own insights this way?
Ask most people what makes a life meaningful, and most will say relationships. Breathe a little more. Lean, touch, and connect. The reality is, real love and real connections doesn’t come that cheaply. In love we may fight. Some of us run. We effectively cling to the other person, moving ourselves into their spaces and violate boundaries- ours and theirs. We get jealous, demanding, and emotional. We do more and then flail when we don’t get appreciated. Attachment is not love. I may have a male best friend; you may have a female best friend. You may be attached to him or her emotionally but that isn’t love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something. It does not involve addiction and compassion but rather lightness and compassion. It means being complete on your own and coping up with your partners mechanism and behaviours’. Love needs connection. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk. If you and your partner stay away make it a point to call him or her up at least for a few minutes. Love does not mean you always need to talk over phone or meet regularly. But, the generation we are in, everything is risky. Make them understand that you miss them. The lesser you talk; the more is your relationship at risk. Be focused. Don’t let your love life ruin your aim in life. Love and career are two different paths. Don’t mix them up. Never. Love for many is simply attraction, distraction and infatuation. If you feel this you are not in love my friend. Love will not die even if you don’t get physical or even if you don’t meet up regularly. Never be demanding or controlling. Never ask your partner to think as you do or to do as you say. I have not been in many relationships. Seriousness means being loyal. If you want to take a break, want someone else as your partner, say it at once. It may hurt but do so. Never cheat on your partner. Don’t avoid falling in love. The more you avoid love; you are more likely to fall in love. Just do what you feel like. Never force yourself to do anything. They are many different types of people out there. You aren’t going to be compatible and comfortable with all of them. Be true to your partner. Open up your views, your experiences, your feelings, and your mind. Love is never perfect. If you are struggling with love, fight for it. You may succeed. Don’t just date because you don’t want to be alone or you don’t have a control over your sex hormones. Be loyal or leave. Never dream of your future. I believe in destiny. If we are meant to be together we will be, no matter what. Efforts are needed in love. You try at times and then you manage to be together for yet another couple of years. You grow up, become more mature with every passing day. And just as you start to appreciate the simplicity of being in love together, life took an obvious turn- college ended, and you start to work. Stress at work always propagates back home. Everyone needs to vent out the frustration and we understand that. Problems resurface when you couldn’t give each other the most basic thing in a relationship- time. Distance increases and things change. Don’t let this happen in your love life. Trust me it will be hard for you, very hard indeed. This is seen most in this generation. Prove this wrong. Your love story can’t be incomplete. Be strong, fight against everyone, fight against all odds, fight against all circumstances, be loyal, be true and just trust your partner and your destiny.
And even after lots of trials, if you don’t like the story you are in. Leave. You can’t let your mental peace be at risk for the sake of this relationship thing. Time heals everything. Life will be perfect one day. Trust me.
New Media Works
9:24 pm on April 15, 2020 Tags: authentic, authenticity, elevator pitch, elevator pitches, elevator speech, elevator speeches, fake, geniune, inauthentic, inauthenticity, personal, real, relationship, relationships ( 5 )
I don’t get a lot of pushback on my blog posts, which is kind of a bummer. You’d think more people would express their disagreement, especially considering I’m not shy about sharing my personal opinions about hot-button topics, like application of choice-of-law principles to multi-state non-compete disputes.
But one of my posts did generate some criticism, and from people whose opinions I value. Can you guess which post?
Was it the one about the Steak N Shake case that held inappropriate workplace contact can be sexual assault? The one about lessons from Seinfeld about the #MeToo movement? Witness prep tips from the Ken Starr interview about covering up sexual assault allegations at Baylor?
I’m noticing a pattern here.
But no, it wasn’t a post about sex or any kind of controversy. It was my April 2018 post The Problem With the Elevator Speech, which I recently recirculated.
The original critique
That was my critique of the standard business development advice that you should have a short prepared speech or “pitch” about yourself or your business that you’re ready to deliver whenever needed, in about the time it takes to ride an elevator. Or in contemporary terms, the time it takes to figure out how to unmute yourself on Zoom.
So what was the criticism?
I’ll get to that, but first let’s recap the key things I said are wrong about the idea of an elevator speech:
I don’t like the popular advice about identifying a prospect’s source of pain and then explaining how you solve it. I find that too abstract. Just tell people what you do in simple, concrete terms.
An elevator speech is too likely to sound like a speech. People you meet usually don’t want to hear a rehearsed sales pitch.
The whole idea puts too much emphasis on you, rather than the person you’re talking to. I suggested it would be better to focus on listening, rather than explaining why you’re so great.
I concluded by analogizing to dating. If you’re single and meet someone you find attractive, are you going to win them over with a little speech about how you do Peloton at home every morning before sewing masks for healthcare workers?
Brilliant. When I hit “Publish” I couldn’t wait for the accolades to pour in. And there was some positive feedback. One of my loyal Fivers emailed me to say she was reading the post in the office cafeteria and giggling out loud. Must have been the hilarious “good pitching” joke. And later that week, Texas Bar Today named my post to its coveted Top 10 list.
The pushback
But then the backlash. A successful small business owner who follows the blog sent me a message explaining that when you’re networking, it’s important to say something memorable about what you do. The idea was that even if you make a positive impression on someone you meet, it won’t do much good if that person doesn’t remember what you can do for them.
I could dismiss this with an “Ok, Boomer,” but I also received similar criticism from a successful lawyer I know:
Too many lawyers have no concept of branding and fail to differentiate themselves in the marketplace. As a result, when a potential client has legal problem that would be a good fit for the lawyer’s area of expertise, the client never considers that lawyer. Marketing experts tell you the goal is to try to be “top of mind” to clients who will think of you first when the need arises. Without branding and an elevator speech, lawyers are not just not top of mind, they aren’t even considered. The elevator speech is just one tool in the tool kit of branding.
Jeff Bezos has said: “Your brand is what other people say about you when you’re not in the room.” Listening is great, but it won’t get the client to call you if they don’t know and understand what you do. When you are networking and meeting folks for just a few minutes at CLE conferences, local or state bar events, or backyard BBQ’s, the elevator speech is a lot better than just handing someone your business card.
Branding requires a full 360 approach – how to build the brand requires authenticity from the get go, then identifying who needs the services/expertise and, critically, making sure to get that brand shared with those who are in need.
My key takeaways from these dissenting opinions: yes, you have to be authentic, but (1) people won’t think of hiring you or recommending you if you don’t let them know what you do, and (2) the elevator speech is a good branding tool to help people remember what you do.
So did I have it all wrong? Was my critique of the elevator speech misguided?
Validation
I decided to consult with another lawyer I respect who has a knack for business development. I asked him to read my post and share his feedback, especially any conflicting views. Here is part of the response:
I cannot give conflicting views because I agree completely. Any client will tell you that the first thing that turns them off is being asked for business. They are smart! They know a pitch when they hear it. They know when you are fishing for their business. No one likes it. I have not heard many take your approach (no elevator speech), and that salesman approach is something I avoid. Everyone is different but pretty much all of my business has come through personal relationships—genuine personal relationships. Honesty—it’s ok! Knowing that I will not connect with everyone, I put myself out there honestly and genuinely. I think that makes folks more comfortable to start.
This lawyer went on to give specific examples of being honest and genuine even when it might turn some people off.
So, just when I thought I was too hard on the idea of an elevator speech, here’s a successful business developer who seems to agree with my original point. Instead of making a sales pitch, this lawyer says focus on developing genuine personal relationships.
Great. Now what am I supposed to do?
Of course, these seemingly conflicting views can be reconciled, to some extent. Everyone seems to agree it’s best to be honest, genuine, and authentic–like that commercial with Walmart employees singing “Lean On Me.” So, if you’re going to develop an “elevator speech,” you should still be yourself, and don’t make it too “salesy.” I still think my original opinion does point out some real problems with the idea of an elevator speech.
But on further reflection, I must concede are two key problems with my original advice to forego the elevator speech and focus more on listening to other people.
Two problems with “The Problem . . .”
First, even if you don’t have an elevator speech to deliver to other people, you should at least develop one for yourself.
If you can’t clearly tell yourself in 30 seconds what your specialty is and how you’re different from others in your profession, then maybe you haven’t really thought that through. You need some concept of “branding” if you want to get noticed. Either that or a viral Tik-Tok video.
Second, listening is great, but if you want to develop business you’re going to have to talk about yourself at least a little.
Let’s go back to my dating analogy. Sure, if you want to date someone, a PowerPoint presentation on “why you should find me attractive” is probably not the best approach. But on the other hand, if you never give that person any indication that you’re interested, they may just move on to someone else. Just think how many romantic comedies use this very problem as a major plot point.
It doesn’t have to be a “speech,” but at some point you need to let people know what it is you do. And if you do it the right way, you might even want to tell people “I want your business” or “please refer clients to me.”
This reminds me of a story about Bill Clinton’s early years. I may get the details wrong, but that’s not the point. The story is that he carried around a little notebook that he would write people’s names in. When people asked what he was doing, he told them his plan was to move back to Arkansas and run for office, and he wanted to keep track of everyone he met.
Now that’s an elevator speech. Put aside for a moment whether you like Clinton or can’t stand him. What I love about the story is the combination of honesty and self-promotion. He just came right out and said it: I’m going into politics and want you to be part of my network of contacts.
Now, some might recoil from such blatant schmoozing, but I bet people found it refreshing. Instead of pretending to be your friend without letting on he planned to hit you up for money or a favor later, Clinton was transparent about what he was up to. And there’s something else appealing: in a sense, he was inviting you to be part of his project.
So maybe the next time someone asks me what I do, I’ll say “I want to become the best known non-compete litigator in Houston, and I’m trying to hit 30,000 views of my blog Five Minute Law this year, can I add you to my email list?”
Wait. Did I just discover my elevator speech?
Great post 🙂
Generally, I don’t think brands (or rather brand names) transport trust. I would never read anything called fiveminutelaw based on the name “fiveminutelaw” (which is, after all, nothing more than a brand name — and thereby, essentially meaningless).
For the same reason, I don’t use Google to search for information — “Google” is just a brand name, it’s not meaningful in any way.
My business is devoted to managing containers for online content. If you want to more, reply and/or send me a msg … and perhaps we can start building a genuine personal relationship from there. 😉
There are few people I know who are more involved in others’ lives the way I am. That is not meant as a slight to others or a pat on the back to me. I use it as information to give credibility to the information I plan to share. As soon as this virus hit, my world of connecting spun out of control. Normally I literally sit with 10 to 12 people a week outside of meetings and my other church and life responsibilities. As a result, I had to take a hard look at what connecting looked like now that I couldn’t connect in the traditional ways. Going into week 3 or 4, I have already lost track, let me share a few things I have learned and am learning.
Rest is important. As I learned what to do, I have also learned that I too need to take this time of readjustment to do a better job of unplugging, slowing down and learning what stillness before God looks like better. So those of you driven ones like me, read and apply this first.
Limit your time in the news and news feeds. What does that have to do with being connected? If you are constantly trying to stay connected with all that is available through the various sources of news and information you will literally use all your time in what can easily create additional stress, frustration and confusion. You can also go the other way and watch so much comedic snippets, videos and the like that you have no idea what and who are even alive😊. The challenge is real then to have any time to try to connect to and develop further your relationships with people.
Be willing to go old school. Pick up your phone, no, not to text, but to call. Yes, I said call. You know where you hit the numbers and talk to a person on the other end? There is nothing quite like hearing a human voice when you can’t talk face to face. There are also free teleconferencing lines that you can use to talk to a group of people. Another practice I have found is writing letters. I am taking time each day to write a couple of letters of encouragement or connectivity. Taking the time to think through who and what you want to write is helpful to process the blessings you have in your life. It’s also a great way to get the kids involved. Pull out the construction paper, crayons and markers and have them write little notes or make pictures for people and mail them off.
Technology can be connecting. There is tech that is all one sided but there is also interactive tech. Why not use Zoom or WebEx and invest in discipleship, Bible studies, family game nights or other creative things? Seeing a person and hearing them when you can’t be with them is a shadow of the norm but at least it is a shadow. It also grows the longing to be able to be together again.
Do a drive by. There are ways to stay safe and distanced without taking risks. I have been stopped as I walked on the side of the road, had people talk to me from the sidewalk as we stood in the driveway and even chatted from car to car. There are some of you who would not feel comfortable doing that at all and others that did not even think of that and might like to try it. Above all, follow the safety guidelines set up, but these can be creative ways that you can see each other when you can’t be with each other.
These are just a few things that I have done. Maybe my thoughts will get some of your own going too. The bottom line is this: connectivity is a command not a suggestion by God. So, when you can’t connect the way you want to, why not try some alternative ways until we really can all meet again.
Hello Pastor 🙂
you mention technology — most people do not consider natural language to be a technology, but I do. For example, “connection” is a very important concept to me (and my work) — and it is via this concept (and more broadly, then technology of natural language) that I found your post.
As far as I know, (natural) language is also first and foremost in the Bible. It’s right there in Genesis 1:1 , right?
In the past six months, I have had three people choose to fall away from my life. Two were mostly in step with when my second son was born; one was more recent than that. My Mother always used to say that things came in threes, and it has stuck in my head, so maybe I partly manifested this number, based on that old superstition 🙂
When people up & go, it can create a feeling within of guilt: what did I do wrong? But let me tell you – when someone does this, it is more to do with what is going on within them, than it is to do with you. Unless you chronically have people ditching you – then, yeah, you might need to take a look at yourself. But that’s a post for another day 🙂
So, the three people were: a friend who I saw maybe a small handful of times each year, a good friend and a family member. They often say that you will lose people when big, life events happen: marriage, divorce, having a baby. I think that this instance, in particular, is when it is more to do with the other person. The significant change in your life has stirred something within them. So they choose to leave your life, unconsciously creating a reason that is irrelevant to your situation. Or you just stop hearing from them.
The family member leaving my life was more that I was a bystander of this person’s choice. The fact of the matter is, though, when she chose to stop seeing one of us – in actuality, she of course chose to stop seeing all of us.
The bottom line to all of this is not a matter of me being right and them wrong or vice versa. Whether or not they have bigger things going on in their lives/in their heads. Whether I inadvertently pissed them off or not.
What it all comes down to is how I choose to deal with it.
I can dwell on it; I can point my finger and call them horrible names. I can throw a pity party. Not that anyone can come to it #socialdistancing
What I can do – what you can do, if you are ever in this situation – is take some deep breaths. Feel grateful for the role they played in your life. Write them a letter, detailing those gratefuls. Or write them a letter, venting. Or do both. Just drop it in your local post box without a stamp – or you can burn or bury the letter, if that resonates with you more.
Trust that everything is always working out for your highest good. Acknowledge that your vibration – the energy you give out – changed and was no longer of the same vibration that this person’s was.
Law of Attraction brings us who and what we are in sync with – whether you’re deliberately creating or creating by default.
Trust that the role this person came into your life for has played out and it is for the highest good of you both that you have now moved on.
Life is what we make of it. It happens through our words, thoughts, emotions and actions.
Choose how you will react.
Blessings to you. Have a beautiful day. xx
I don’t believe in the so-called law of attraction. Instead I prefer to REPEL people! (LOL 😉 )
Just posted on something similar recently — see https://fuckwith.news.blog/2020/03/31/to-fuck-with-or-not-to-fuck-with
Jacks News 