I’ve been blogging for AGES already, but this JAX project is something new + exciting.
At first US + THEM categories appeared crystal clear, within a few days their appearance have already become quite murky. Yet never fear, IDK why but it sounds good.
Today I read this post on Small Town Girl’s blog (the other day I was wondering whether she is a girl from a small town, or perhaps she is a short lady who happens to be a town girl?):
It’s a great feeling to know that whenever I get a sudden, random urge to let out my innermost thoughts and feelings, I have a platform that’s ready and waiting for me to start typing and hit ‘publish’.
This degree of AWESOMEness is of course unparalleled — except for any of the other hundreds of blogs I manage, or the many thousands of posts + sites I read, interact with, participate in, collaborate on, sort of within you and without you, all the time, for weeks, months, years, even decades since I gave up writing HTML by hand.
There are pros and cons of hitchhiking across the universe of prose and messages, sailing and surfing, flying and crashing, mashing up, tearing down, discovering new horizons. I wrote about what it means to not lose your orientation last week:
Language builds connections — insofar as it is meaningful.
I am also gushingly happy and elated that a community exists which I feel also understands language much the way I do, too. We are able to navigate to the destination almost as if instinctively, and get to the point without losing track of the big picture. We share real space, real life, cyberspace and one world.
It’s enough. It’s for all of us. We are engaged, we will work towards mutual understanding, to communicate using sufficiently similar linguistic technologies (such as compatible expressions, standarized languages, etc.).
Let’s talk about screen time and technology in your homeschool. Obviously, Charlotte Mason didn’t say anything about the use of computers or other electronic screens in homeschooling. Yet screen time is a real concern for many homeschoolers. And we get questions about that topic regularly. So I asked my friend, and co-founder of Simply Charlotte Mason, to share his thoughts about it. Doug Smith is here with us today.
Sonya: Hi, Doug.
Doug: Hi, great to be here.
Sonya: Thanks for joining me.
Doug: It’s good to be on this side of the screen for a little while.
Sonya: Now, you oversee our technology and some of the business aspects of SCM. So you spend a lot of your time on the computer?
Doug: Yes. If we’re going to have an open, honest conversation about screen time, I need to make a confession: I spend most days, all day on the screen. That’s my job.
Sonya: Yes, it is. So you’re speaking from experience. What is your view on screen time?
Doug: I think a lot of times we confuse it with television. When we talk about screens, we have a variety of devices. We have our phones; we have computers; and we do have television; but they’re not all the same. And for me, it comes down to how we use those devices. Are we being creators or are we being consumers? Is it a tool or is it a toy?
Sonya: Those are good thoughts. Let’s un-layer those a little bit more. What are some ways that it could be used to a disadvantage in the home? And I think that’s where most homeschoolers are concerned about the issue.
Doug: It depends a little bit on the child’s age or even for ourselves. For younger children, it’s very important for children to have a lot of unstructured play time to be creative. They develop social skills that way; they develop their language that way. There was a time I remember when our kids were quite young, and we went camping. While we were at the campground, we camped next to another family that had a boy who was about the age of our children. So they naturally wanted to play together. Our kids went, and they played for a little while, but it was only a few minutes before our kids were back inside. We said, “Are you done playing already?” And they said, “He doesn’t know how to play.”
Sonya: Oh, how sad.
Doug: “Everything that he plays, every toy that he gets out, becomes Star Wars for him.” The only thing that this child could do was repeat the things from the movies; he could not play creatively. Our children had a lot of opportunity to read books and play creatively and use their imaginations; and they just weren’t interested in playing with this boy because of that. And he didn’t have that opportunity because of the screen. Now, that was TV. We can also have some things with our other devices—with computers or phones—that can take away our social interaction. It can put us into isolation. And we want to avoid that as well.
Sonya: You see that all the time. I see kids walking down the sidewalk on their phones, not even looking at God’s creation around them, not acknowledging people that they pass. Or sitting in restaurants and the whole family is just staring at their phones and nobody’s talking.
Doug: I saw a family one time walking through the airport, and one of the fairly young children had headphones on and was looking at the screen. And as the family in this busy airport was walking one direction, the child was off the other, and they were calling after him. He couldn’t hear them; he had no awareness of that.
Sonya: That reminds me. The other night when we were out to dinner, I saw at the table across, there was a little girl sitting there with the headphones and the iPad. Her mother was in the other room, getting the drinks to bring back to the table. And if you watched her, that child never blinked.
Doug: Yes.
Sonya: She just was staring. And then she would get up to go find her mother with that iPad, the whole way just staring like she was a zombie. It was kind of a little startling. So that’s definitely what we don’t want.
Doug: While we’re on that topic of restaurants and such, one of the . . . I’m going to step on some toes here probably, a little bit.
Sonya: All right.
Doug: One of the things that happens, that I see commonly, is a child will fuss in a public place, and so to keep the child quiet, a parent will often hand them their phone to let them play some games or something.
Sonya: I see that too.
Doug: If you step back and think about what that’s doing, what you’re telling the child is, “If you threaten to throw a fit in a public place, I’m going to give you entertainment. I’m going to reward you for that behavior that I don’t want you to do.”
Sonya: Rather than doing the hard work of training that child and working with that child, interacting personally to help them.
Doug: Yes.
Sonya: Wow. Any other disadvantages you want to talk about before we move on to the happy place?
Doug: No, let’s move on to some happy things.
Sonya: So what are some ways that we can use screens and computers and technology well in our home schools and in our homes?
Doug: Kids today are learning skills that, hopefully, they’re going to use in careers in life. And they’re going to be competing against other people who have grown up with computers: “digital natives,” if you will. So having foundational skills . . . Think about all the jobs that are out there. What doesn’t get touched by computers now?
Sonya: Not too many.
Doug: Almost nothing. Even if it’s just for some record keeping or collaboration with other people.
Sonya: Even car mechanics are having to do a lot of computer work and stuff. So even if you think about the trades, they still are having computers involved now.
Doug: So those basic skills, I believe, are very important: to be able to use a computer, to learn how to type, to be comfortable with some of the common apps that are used in business and in life. Those are very important.
Sonya: I use the computer a lot. For work, of course, but also in my personal life. I’m using it to do a lot of shopping. It saves me time. I order my groceries online.
Doug: Sure.
Sonya: So I can see how it would save a homeschool mom, or any mom or dad, a lot of time to have those skills in place. And I assume it’s just going to grow exponentially in the future, all the things done online.
Doug: Yes, and then there are specific skills. There are things that our children can develop. And it’s great for a Charlotte Mason-style afternoons free, where they can dive into something that they have a lot of interest in. So web design, or just graphics design, is something that’s very much done on the screen. We have a child who’s interested in 3D modeling. One of our sons is a computer programmer by trade; that’s his career.
Sonya: I know one of your sons was very interested in making videos and editing videos as he was growing up.
Doug: Both of my sons and all of our children, and your children as well.
Sonya: They’d do it together, yes.
Doug: Did projects together, and they’d learn the basic skills. We got them some equipment, we got them some software, some books, and then got out of the way and let them create.
Sonya: And may I thank you for that, because now he’s my son-in-law and he edits these videos.
Doug: Exactly. He’s going to be editing this. And if you look at some of our products, their fingers are all over those products. Handicrafts Made Simple, for example, was a project that our children from both families came up with on their own.
Sonya: Yes, collaborative and based on those skills that they had.
Doug: That’s true.
Sonya: So when you say that you “give them the tools and get out of the way,” I assume you had some guidelines in place to make sure it didn’t go off in one direction. I think keeping the balance is a key. So do you have any practical tips that can help the parent navigate that, and give them the tools but still guide the child to form good habits?
Doug: When children are younger, their time should be limited. They should have supervised time when they’re using technology, and not just free reign of that, but with plenty of room to get out and do other things: be outdoors and to have creative play.
Sonya: And to work with their hands in other ways.
Doug: And to work with their hands. Now there are things on the computer where working with their hands develops motor skills as well: when they’re typing on the keyboard, when they’re using the mouse. Even some games are beneficial in developing some of the motor skills and thinking skills, if they are creative puzzle games and things like that. They can be useful, but we don’t want too much of it. And so, as the child grows and matures, we would want to give more time, based on how able they are to handle the technology. They need to prove, in little steps along the way, that the technology is their servant and not their master.
Sonya: So let me throw this at you: What about social media? There are ways to be creative with our laptops and with software, and I can see that; but are there any ways to be creative with social media? It seems like that’s a big land mine for many kids.
Doug: Sure, and it can be a time sink and all sorts of things. But on the positive side, sometimes it can help us connect and have those real relationships with each other. A few years ago, there was a writer who wrote for the online magazine, The Verge. I can’t remember the author’s name, but he did an experiment with them where he completely disconnected for an entire year, and then wrote about his experience. What it came down to is, he found that he had fewer real relationships with people that he cared about, because he was unplugged. And a lot of the organization of “how we’re going to get together” was happening online, and he was missing out on that.
Sonya: So it wasn’t so much that he couldn’t connect with people through letters and phone calls. It was that they were all on the social media and he was not.
Doug: Yes.
Sonya: So they kept missing each other.
Doug: And he went into this thinking that “If I don’t have that, I’m going to eliminate some of these bad habits.” And what he found was he developed new bad habits that weren’t online.
Sonya: Oh, that makes total sense, now that you say it. Of course!
Doug: Yes.
Sonya: So what are some other guidelines, we can use to help our kids for social media—some of the older kids; what else can we do to help them?
Doug: Well, of course, we can talk about being safe online and guide them into who they gave information to. I think one of the things is just to train them to come to us if they have any questions, and to help them. For older children, teens especially, I like to have a contract with them. That’s an example that says “This is your conduct when you use these devices.” For example, “If I, as a parent, ever ask you to give me your password to log into your account, so that we can look at that together, you need to do that or you are going to lose your device.” And those guidelines could be whatever you need to make it for your family, but that’s just one example.
Sonya: I have a friend who, one of their guidelines is that the computer for the kids is always kept in a public place where it’s well trafficked by the rest of the family. So they’re not working or looking at things in private that no one else can see. I think that’s wise too.
Doug: That is very wise. Another thing that you can do in a home is talk about the importance of those personal relationships with each other and demonstrate those. Now, that’s going to be hard for us, as parents, sometimes, because we’re tied to our devices as well.
Sonya: Sometimes we don’t realize how much.
Doug: Right. So maybe, . . . I know some families who, after a certain time of night, they put their phones away and they don’t go back and get them. I know some others who, at meal time, they will have a phone basket or do a phone stack. A phone stack is kind of a game where everybody takes their phones and they put them in a stack. And if anybody has to get their phone, the first one to do it gets the penalty. So maybe we agree that that’s the person who clears the table and does the dishes. A phone basket is just everybody puts them in the basket for the meal time, so that we can have that importance of being face to face with the people that we care about.
Sonya: I think those are very helpful tips for keeping a balance between online relationships and in-person relationships that are so important, and doing things “manually,” if you will, being present where you are. That is so important as well. What do you think, then, is the goal for teaching our children to use technology well or teaching them to use technology at all? What’s the goal in this?
Doug: We’ve already said it several times. It comes back to Be a creator, not a consumer. Be someone who contributes to society, who values the people around you and the people that are important to you.
Sonya: Good word. Thanks for joining us, Doug.
Doug: Thank you.
Excellent advice + tips — thank you for sharing! 🙂
Some things I would add:
compare “screen time” with “read time” (which was very controversial controversial in the 19th Century) or “drive time” (which may be more controversial soon)
can you define “social media”?
do you think that if Google or YouTube know that I might be interested in a handicrafts store, they might sell this information about me to other handicrafts stores?
Those are just a few off the top of my head. I look forward to your responses, because you appear to be quite knowledgeable on these very important topics.
There’s a term thrown around in the world of writing that I’ve never fully understood: emerging writer. To emerge as a writer, or anything else for that matter, you must emerge from one thing into an entirely different something else—that is, you must move from one state of being or existence to another. As a writer, that only happens through practice.
I like to define writer as someone who writes, not someone who is published for their writing per se. Let me qualify that a little: A writer is someone who writes regularly and consistently, someone who engages in the process. If you give yourself to that process, if you do the work, if you write regularly and consistently, then you are not emerging as a writer—you are already engaged, you are already a practicing writer.
What it takes to go from emerging to emerged is a shift of perception followed by consistent action. It’s like being a couch potato, becoming a couch surfer, and eventually transforming into a couch creator. You’re dealing with couches in one way or the other the whole time, it’s just that you’ve swapped the bowl of potato chips for a laptop or your favorite notebook and pen. Sometimes it really is that simple. You go from the idea of writing (one potato, two potato, crunch, crunch)—that is, fantasizing about writing “one of these days”—to actually signing up for that fiction class, poetry workshop, or writing retreat. You take in the inspiration, knowledge, and motivation you get from that and then, finally, sit your butt down in the chair (or upright on the couch, chips back in the sealed bag and locked in the cabinet) every day for the next year (or ten) and write the damn thing. For the record, I write on my couch every day, without chips. But heck, as long as you’re writing consistently and you’re capable of multitasking, crunch away!
Emergence means sticking with the practice long enough until you’ve experienced a sense of improvement, growth, and even transformation. Sometimes this takes minutes, sometimes years. Emergence is also about taking time to connect with your deeper self, touching into your creative desires and true intentions, and exploring the hidden layers of yourself that call out to be expressed. The timing for when we emerge, or when the writing emerges from within us, is a highly personal one and ultimately a decision that we shouldn’t put off until some nebulous future moment—not if we sincerely want to write. In other words, stop thinking and start writing.
I thought about writing for years and wrote nothing. Then I wrote in fits and starts. Then I wrote obscure (mostly) experimental poetry for fifteen years or so, which was fun and interesting and I learned a lot about craft in the process (heck, I even finished countless writing projects and published several small books along the way). And yet I was still writing only on occasion, still emerging. If I’m honest with myself, I was writing around my vulnerabilities, avoiding the deeper emotions, the truer story lurking within—until I couldn’t take it anymore. I had become so haunted by childhood scenes and memories—some difficult but compelling images—that begged to be written down. Something bigger was gnawing at me, yearning to emerge. Around this time my friends and neighbors recommended several memoirs that inspired me to give it a shot. I mean, these books virtually shouted words of insight, encouragement, and permission. The next thing I knew, I was writing a memoir.
Emergence is about showing up, about materialization—going from the nonphysical to the physical—from the darkness and mystery of incubation to the light of manifestation. To move from scattered ideas, broken dreams, and those frustratingly inconsistent false starts to solid discipline and completion, we need to first shift our thinking and then adjust our physical behavior—literally how we interact with the couch (or wherever it is we can finally get some writing done).
If you truly want to write—if you feel genuinely curious about this writing business and your potential to take part in it—you have to make time to do it, and that means you need to set some kind of schedule. I recently surveyed thousands of writers and would-be writers who are on my mailing list, and the number one thing they reported struggling with the most was time. Remember, time is not something that you have or don’t have—time is something you create. What are your priorities? What could you shift or tweak in your daily life to create some space for your writing? You have to make time to write if you are sincere in your desire to manifest your writing dreams. And if you are just too darn busy with work, kids, and life, then make your writing a kind of squeezing-in practice: squeeze it in on your lunch break, in the car while waiting to pick up the kids, in the morning, with your favorite flavor of caffeine coursing through your veins, by waking up fifteen minutes earlier than usual. If it’s important, you’ll find the time. I know writers who rent motel rooms for occasional weekends of concentrated binge writing, and one who records voice memos (that eventually grow into novels) while she’s stopped in traffic during her daily commute.
You’ve heard it over and over again, that annoying little adage about writing being a practice. The thing that often gets left out of the conversation around practice is how unappetizing the initial idea of practice actually is. You can hear the nagging parent or teacher in the back of your head, “Okay, Mary, it’s time to practice your scales,” when you’d rather be hanging out with your friends playing freeze tag or rearranging your sock drawer. Practice. That word voiced in our heads sometimes echoes ominously like scolding thunder; it seems to come with built-in resistance. Who wants to practice? It can sound so arduous and even unappealing, like a chore that needs to be completed.
But the key aspect of practice that we often forget is the discovery and enchantment we get along the way. After giving myself to the practice of writing for more than twenty years, I know the more I practice, the more I learn not only about the art itself but also about my own quietly evolving heart and mind. I learn more about consciousness itself. It’s fascinating, really. It’s not so much that I, Albert, am so fascinating—it’s that we as humans are fascinating. You are inherently interesting beyond compare, and you will become even more so when you take the time to delve deep and write forth your inner truth.
Nice 🙂
In Germany / In German, the word “Praxis” is probably closely related to the English word “practice” (cf. https://www.etymonline.com/word/practice 😉 )… especially the “professional” notion (e.g. “s/he practices X”).
ps: please note that I was apparently duped into commenting on a scraped copy of the quoted text — and even the “original copy” did not appear on the author’s own website! 😯
Continuing the 30-day blogging challenge, today’s topic is to describe the good, the bad and the ugly about myself. I chose this particular version of the challenge because I believe the topics to be more challenging than the more superficial things I could talk about. For anyone, it’s difficult to be objective about yourself. For me, I find myself in the habit of being extremely critical of everything that I do. Which is why, today, I will try to be as neutral and objective as I can, to describe me. It’s best to end on a good note, so I will order it as so: the bad, the ugly and the good.
The bad
As a young person, I consider myself to come with a substantial amount of ‘baggage’. Some of that baggage has huge influences on me and my relationships today and, in the past two years or so, I’ve begun coming to terms with my identity and my flaws, accepting and loving myself, but never forgetting to try and grow into someone I am proud to be.
Firstly, the struggle with trust. I spent a long time believing that I was a very trusting person, when in reality, even with the people I want to trust, I find myself struggling to truly trust. My inner process is always quite extreme, wondering about things like, “I would take a bullet for this person. Would they take one for me?” And most wouldn’t (and definitely shouldn’t!). But that does not make me change my opinion on someone. It just means it takes a very long time for all of my walls to completely come down.
Secondly, “the hermit”. I like to stay inside and when I’m inside, I have selective conversation. People call me a chatterbox in social environments, outside, though in actuality, conversations tire me exponentially. The tedium of small talk sometimes stops me from engaging with people at all. That, combined with a deep-rooted fear of judgement and social exclusion, results in me isolating myself entirely. Being this way has made me very grateful for the people who continue to make an effort with me, even understanding how difficult it can be to maintain a friendship or relationship with me.
Lastly, fearfulness and anxiety. Friends and family have observed that I may be a slight hypochondriac, can be highly-strung, overly cautious and unnecessarily nervous, a lot of the time. For the most part, people find it more funny than disconcerting but it is actually quite hard to live with. I get called dramatic and paranoid and that is not necessarily wrong, however, my belief is that everybody is afflicted with a combination of illnesses, disorders and troubles, especially mental. This doesn’t justify my actions, really, I am very grateful for my health and body. I just think it’s silly to pretend like we are all fine and completely healthy. Once you can figure out what makes you feel bad, you can take real and effective steps to stop feeling bad, instead of waiting for it to pass.
The ugly
I assume this question to be aimed inwardly, on the personality and the mind. I’m going to take it that way because I can’t see any good reason to talk about my ugly physical features. I can be very emotionally ugly. Not many have seen it but those who have, always know it’s there. Being totally open, I have an emotion disorder known as Borderline Personality Disorder; there is an uncomfortable amount of misinformation about the disorder, a lot that creates discrimination towards those who have struggled with it, such as being called manipulative and abusive. I find myself completely understanding that point of view and finding it hurtful simultaneously. Here is the NHS’ medical description of what Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is:
>> “Borderline personality disorder is a condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with other people. Symptoms of borderline personality include being emotionally unstable, having upsetting thoughts and acting without thinking.The main treatment for borderline personality disorder is a type of talking therapy called psychotherapy.The cause of borderline personality disorder is unclear. It’s been linked to traumatic events during childhood, such as neglect or abuse.” <<
Those who believe they are being manipulated are not likely to be lying – though, they are looking at the scenario through their own, non-BPD, lens. In the past, I could not bear being left, dumped, excluded or ignored. If it happened, I would become very depressed, upset and self-pitying. This is one of the most vulnerable moments for someone with borderline, but it’s also the hardest time for people caring for that person. This is the time where we are, characteristically, more likely to harm ourselves or do something to ‘numb’ the pain. Thankfully though, I went through a year long course of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, somewhat similar to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and learned how to cope with my difficulties. Having this personality disorder just means you have to work ten times harder to take care of your emotions, impulsivity and vulnerabilities and to be extra grateful for the people who care about you, because they will, or already have, experienced you at your worst. A bright side of this disorder is that I have endless wells of emotion, compassion and empathy, I try to make others happy as much as I can, but, as I get older, I must never forget to make myself happy, too.
Another ugly is my cynicism. Ooooh, boy. You’ve read this blog so far. Need I say more?
The good
I love art, music, nature and having a good time. I care deeply about people close to me and I have a deep drive to succeed, but success also means happiness and contentment – not just money and boys/girls. Books, deep talks and twenty-minute comedy drama episodes are some of the things that make me happiest. I don’t think I’m difficult to be around either!
So, that’s it for today folks. Thanks so much for reading, I’m excited to be on this journey with you. Check back tomorrow for day 3: current relationship or being single! Lots of interesting things to unpack there! See you soon!
I think it’s great that you’re doing the 30-day challenge thing … and the day after that, you will be … continuing … ? 😉
Let me give a couple tips (IMHO, of course 😉 )
every day isn’t really important — you can do every minute or every month, too (it’s ALL good)
don’t worry about SEO: G doesn’t matter; think what’s useful FOR YOURSELF; when I tag + categorize, I consider what would help me find THIS PARTICULAR POST (versus all the other ones); plus (it’s a FREE BONUS): you can use the WP backend to search for tags etc. 😉
you know what I’M THINKING would be a good brand name for you? take the first three letters of your name + stickem in front of either think or thinking!! 😀 Are you inked? are you inking your ideas onto this blog?? LOL!!! Go register it!!! If you need help, drop me an email.
Last (un-numbered, so I can say I only mentioned 3 things 😉 ): I read your “about” section — EXCELLENTLY written, BTW — just as I was listening to Joe Satriani’s “I just wanna rock” — LOL, there’s a voice asking “what is your purpose”, and he yells back — yea, cool 😉 BTW#2 your tagline ALSO ROCKS!!!
Hi there! My name (as the title suggests) is Carly. I want this year to be a year of growth for me. I am aware that it is mid-April, but with school and the world kind of ending, I am just now finding time to write my first post. I am writing this blog for me, myself, and I. But if I meet some cool people along the way, that would be dope.
The reason I started this blog was pretty simple. I was sitting in a social media marketing class at Brigham Young University. That specific day we had a panel of social media influencers joining us. I was very inspired by what they were saying; “Find out what you are passionate about, and make that the center of all you do,” and “Be authentic,” and “Create value.” I just didn’t know how to begin. So with a little courage, (a motto of mine for a few years has been: “Sometimes all it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage”) I approached the panelists after class.
Danielle, from @todaysthebestday on Instagram, gave me one simple task. She told me to go home that night and do a “brain dump.” Take 60 seconds to write down everything that brings me joy and makes me feel alive. Once the minute was over, circle the top three things and start a blog about one of the topics. I did this exercise nearly two months ago, so I am unable to find the list, but I know that “Getting out of my comfort zone” was in my top three passions.
So here I am. This blog is where I plan on writing the crazy, wild, embarrassing, silly, sad, heart-breaking, experiences I have in 2020 as I strive to leave my comfort zone. I whole-heartedly believe this will be a life-changing project for me. I am excited (and only slightly terrified) to be open, authentic, and raw with myself and anyone who happens across this blog. This will all be a learning process, but that’s what leaving your comfort zone is all about: learning and progressing.
What kind of uncomfortable situations do you have planned? 😛
BTW: WP has TONS of bells + whistles — “tags” are a good place to start, and then also try out the customizer … like try adding a “tag cloud” widget. You can email me if you want / need help / tips … and / or search for video tutorials @ wordpress.tv 😉
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